Grunt grunt fart

Grunt grunt fart, grunt grunt fart poo-splosion up the front... well that's different. Usually it's all up the back. Its probably because little Zoey has been hanging out on her stomach all the time. Try putting her on her back and she insta-flips. She's only 4 months old coming up to 5 months in 3 weeks. I'm not ready for her to crawl. She's actually pretty good at moving around as it is, but at least she stays in the living room. She maneuvers around doing 360's (not like a dog chasing it's tale, shes pretty slow). Her other method of transportation is teleportation; if you put her in the middle of the room she some how ends up under the computer chairs, chewing on the legs like a little puppy would (probably cause shes starting to teeth).

On another note, I've recently started to learn how to program C++. I've been learning off and on over the years never fully putting my time into it. I'm taking the course through the public library which is free (FTW). It's pretty complex, yet easy at the same time. At first it was the basics which I think I've covered ten times over the years so it felt pretty repetitive. Now that its getting deeper I'm beginning to like it more. The hope is to one day make a game. Unfortunately I'm going to have to learn how to make some art assets, I'm not very artistic so we shall see how that goes.

You get a toy if you poop on the toilet

"You get a toy if you poop on the toilet." I wish I got a toy for every time I pooped. I guess I sort of do. I pull out my iPhone and play some mobile games to pass the time away (Sometimes I sit there a little too long). For parents, the bathroom is almost like a safe haven, a quiet place to escape to in such a small house; so why not enjoy it and play some games
While pooping I like to play games like:

• StarCommand
• Clash of Clans
• Dungelot
• Plants VS Zombies 2
• iFruit (the new companion app for GTA V)

So we've resorted to bribing our 2yr old with toys and smarties to poop on the toilet; unsuccessfully I might add. She wants the toy's and smarties, shes very vocal and insistent about it to say the least. However she still continues to poop in her pull up. We were successful for a little while with toilet training; it was a long three days where we had a naked child running around all day peeing on the floor; thank god that's over with, or so we thought. Just the other day I was being a good house husband, as usual doing the dishes, while my daughter played with the ice maker (that's probably why it hasn't been working properly lately). All of a sudden I hear grunts as if some old lady is trying to tie her shoes but can't quite reach. Being the hero father that I am wearing my nerdy, overly worn, superman shirt; reacted quickly to the situation. Since I was washing dishes I could have chucked a dirty dish cloth at her but instead my main weapon of choice was the extendable faucet. I managed to spray myself getting soaked well before the stream of water made it's way to my daughters face. With water all over the floors, on me, and on my target she whimpers out "Water, wet, wet, wet." Mission accomplished. Were were both soaked and she still managed to poop in her pull up. Do you have any good stories? Leave a comment.

So I've been playing: GTA V

So I've been playing GTA V. Iv'e been running around the city of Los Santos like a champ. Pulling of heists, running down purse snatchers then keeping the money for myself, and stealing cars to drive around town. Man if I actually drove that bad in real life bumping into cars as I try to sneak between two stopped at a red light only to miss my mark and smash into the back of them; my insurance would be through the roof. Driving on the sidewalk is easier sometimes just to avoid the cars but the damn light poles jump out at you from nowhere. Pedestrians? That's what that speed bump was.

I was in the middle of stealing a very nice muscle car when out of no where everything bursts into flames. Turns out that there was a semi truck behind me while I was in the process of acquiring said car. Someone ran into the back of the semi truck which caused the car to catch fire and BOOOM! The car blows up instantly blowing up the semi truck and a few other cars around. The explosion even took out some innocent bystanders like myself.


And here's a great video which will sum up many GTA fans lives.

Ohh kids

I'm in the kitchen doing some dishes (like a good house husband does) while ignoring our children (Which is hard to do cause our house is only 660 sq ft); I hear "WEEEEEEE!" coming from the living room. There's nothing that fun in our house that my two year old should be getting that excited about. That's when I looked over my shoulder (no our kitchen is not in our living room, but it might as well be) and saw little Zoey(4 months) in the Jolly jumper swinging back and forth just laughing away as Ella screams "WEEEE!" Yeah Ella seems to think were at the park swinging her little sister. Its the jolly jumper that attaches to the door frame, I'm not sure how much side force it can take; so naturally I'm freaked out. Gotta love little kids.

I love silence in the house during nap time. It's one of my favorite times of the day. I get to play video games (like GTA V, Godus, and Rogue Legacy just to name a few that Iv'e been playing recently). When it's dead silent and it's not nap time; that's when the trouble happens. Every time the house goes from screaming to dead silent every parent should clue in that something isn't right with the world. One weekend Ella was watching TV in our bedroom, cause that's where our only TV just happens to be.

Her show ended and there's silence; which is odd because usually she hollers out "MORE!" So after cluing in to the dead silence, I decide to check up on her. Much to my dismay I see my daughter pulling apart our blue memory foam mattress topper. A giant hole staring me in the face with the white of the mattress blaring through. "OMG" (ok I don't say OMG but I said the whole thing out loud.) My wife hearing me freak out, was now starting to get freaked out. She comes in to see the mess and says "Oh that's not bad." Whar do you mean not that bad? that stuff's expensive. Usually my wife gets upset easily about stuff like that but that day was a different story. When she first heard me freak out she thought there was poop smeared everywhere in our bedroom. so that's probably why she took this mess so calmly. Kid's are like puppies they will chew on your shoes, steal your food, pee in the corner(when potty training), and destroy EVERYTHING.

Introduction

"Hey honey how's my hair look"

"Looks thin at the top"

"I know I'm going bald stop reminding me. I meant my beard. How's my beard?"

I'm not bald yet but it's coming. Those thin, somewhat sparse hairs right above my forehead are sticking around for awhile I hope. I'm thinking there must be a direct relationship to the amount of hair on my head and the hair on my face. Seems the longer and bushier my beard gets the more sparse my hair gets. Or at least the hair on my head feels jealous; If hair had feelings that is.

Only 27 (I think) and my hair is leaving me. I'm not bald by any means and I've seen worse for sure. As long as I have my beard i'll be happy I suppose. Did I mention I'm a father of almost two (that's gotta stop the great hair migration right?). The almost baby is still in the oven, figuratively of course; because literal oven would be considered child abuse.

Another girl, exciting! So if I can do math that's almost 3 ladies in the house (wife, 21 month old, and ~negative two week old). Meaning I will forever be out numbered and out voted by the ladies of the house. Hopefully I can turn one into a tom boy or convert them to be daddies girls.

I think I have a good head start on the daddies girls though. For you see, I am a SAHD. No I did not misspell sad, nor am I emotionally sad. It stands for Stay At Home Dad.

SAHDs are the lazy bums who sit at home, jobless, playing video games, and ignore their children for the better part of the day. As far as my parents are concerned; that's the way it is. It seems that they are partially right though. Bet you thought I was going to say they are dead wrong.

Well it's true; I am jobless, I play video games, and I do ignore my child. Not in the same sense you might think. I only ignore her while she is sleeping and therefore play video games to pass the time. The little one sleeps for 1.5 hours during they day so yay video games. There's also bed time. That's where the majority of gaming happens.

I'm not limited to video games though. The wife loves board games so I indulge her once in awhile. Can't ignore her too much either. Luckily the games she likes, I like playing too (except the ones I lose at). To get even with her I pull out the x-wing miniatures game. Who doesn't love Star Wars.


So there you have it. The first post from the NBD (NerdyBeardedDaddy) more to follow so stay tuned.